$165 Million Holy Molies: AIG!!!!!!!! (Ain't It Grotesque ?)

President Obama's Enormous Political Capital At Risk Over AIG Bonus Imbroglio: Can a Presidency Become Insolvement?

Gulf Stream Effect: Oceanography Meets Politics When Cold Fish Get Into Hot Water

Anger Foments at AIG Bonus Imbroglio

Oceanography 101 always includes that curious chapter on the natural phenomenon known as the gulf stream.   Just as the globe spins like clockwork, warmer southern ocean currents rise and colder water from the arctic sinks toward the bottom creating a formidable  process that exerts an inordinate influence on the global geological canvas greatly impacting everything from  weather patterns, to agricultural fertility not to mention all those little fishies and other wildlife's migration patterns:

Oceanography 101:  Hot Water Over Cold Water = Gulf Stream

Meet the political version: a molten river of red-hot political anger flowing over our cold-blooded ocean of financial fear.  President Obama's is now swirling about trapped in his own gulf stream of AIG  hot water running through hs otherwise ice-cold veins. Bonusgate is causing  the  President to  quickly burn through his Tier 1 political capital.   Without an politically acceptable  resolution President Obama's once-ample political capital could quickly evaporate making it necessary for his himliness himself  to apply for  TARP funding for his own political survival.

Inheriting Your Own Mess

But what's a boy to do?  Don't ask Tim Geitner who engineered this doosey of a bail-out in the first place during  the prior administration. Like Lady MacBeth there isn't enough ivory soap in the world to cleanse the stain of an ex post facto  idiotic, unconditional lifeboat to the Mother of all Titanics.   Regardless of the best of intentions and the possibility it saved the financial system and stopped the unthinkable  from the "Big One", in hindsight this collossal decision was  either (1) a Hopson's choice, (2) Morton's Fork (check out this hotlink!), or what seems to be emerging as the prevailing wisdom: the AIG bail-out looks like one big piece of s***  shoved down the throats of the U.S. Taxpayer.

Why? We have had absolutely no information or analysis until the recent revelations of who got the funds as CDS counterparties  (Goldman Sachs, SocGen, Deutche Bank  and bunch of foreign banks) and who -- get a load of this--who got the bonuses, particularly the  $165 million in the AIG Financial Products Group who created this mess.  Wouldn't it be nice to have 60 Minutes spend a couple of days tagging along with these traders and other "best and brightest" to see what it is they actually do?  Boy oh boy someone should be hung by the balls...of their feet. 

If this is a glimpse of the efficacy of the fiscal stimulus and the bank bail-out package with a 1,000 pages of legislation pork laden with 8,500 earmarks we are looking at a administration whose political liabilities could quickly exceed their political assets--  the real question is Timothy Geitner like a non-recourse loan and the administration can do a friendly deed-in-lieu of foreclosure.  Perhaps we can trade out Geitner for Summers.  We all know how smart Geitner is and, that like Obama, he's got the goods but, unfortunately, as  his brief tenure shows he also got the bads.  Keep a close  eye on Kinko's resume department.

And so how do we get back the outrageous bonus payments?  Stay tuned....

There is an Actual TurboTax Tim Youtube Clip: Coy Admission Worth Watching

Videotruth Fact Checking is a Best Practice

Stickman: I Thought It Was Hyperbole So I Accept Responsibility for My Mistake: He Really Did Use TurboTax!!

While over 42 million people have viewed the epic water buffalo vesus lions "Battle at Kruger" video  (see below)  only a mere 6,000 people have viewed the actual Senate  "TurboTax Confession" video on youtube.   When the Geitner income tax controversy hit during the confirmation hearings the moniker "Turbo Tax Tim" seemed the inevitable nickname. I had assumed there was more parody/satire in his nickname rather than factual basis. I made the mistake of not paying close enough attention to realize he actually admitted to a question by Phil Graham as to whether he used a tax software program and specifically what brand he used. Geitner sheepishly admitted yes and with a pregnant pause threw TurboTax under the bus.  

I understand there is a reverse-endorsement deal with Intuit Inc., developer of  the world's most popular tax software in the works for Geitner post-administration (which could be soon) under which  he agrees not to use the company's product for  at least 5 years.  There is new Intuit credit default swap being introduced by the financial products division at AIG based on Geitner's non-usage of the hallmark product a new version of which is introduced annually.

I Used TurboTax But It Is Not Their Fault Coyly Confesses Geitner-- 6,000 views

Battle at Kruger-- 42 million views

Episode #6 - The Good Guy Arrives

Geitner's Staggering, Bold, Brilliant Secret Plan to Save the Planet

WTF? NEWS

Published Irregularly Weather or Not We Feel Like ItAny Damned Time We Please

Important Dislaimer: In case any reader doesn't quite get it, this is parody protected under the first amendment of the Constitution of United Statements of America. If you don't like the law then feel free to go try and change it. If you are interested in further information on freedom of the press we suggest you start with John Milton's masterful essay "Areopagitica" (1644) http://www.uoregon.edu/~rbear/areopagitica.htm

Breaking News........

News Flash Latest Update: Official Dept. of Treasury Theme Song????

If We Can Put a Man on the Moon...

...Why Can't We Just Write a Check for $500  Billion (OK So Maybe It's  $1 Trillion)  and Pay Off the Defaulted Subprime Mortgages? (We'll Worry About the Credit Default Swaps Later)

You may recall we recently inquired whethter the DOT needed its own theme song. We have received in a brown paper envelope a youtube clip (think about that !) claiming to be the soon-to-be-released  National Offiicial Financial Acute Crisis Theme Song ("NOFACTS") . We have not been above to verify that the selection of the theme song  is what has been holding up a comprehensive, coherent  Bank Bail-out plan from Secretary Geitner who had been leaning toward the REM version but was unable to make a deal with the band's agent.

So here it is:

To the Moon Alice: TARP IX Meets Planet ZIRP:

Lunar Restructuring for Toxic Assets

Massive Lunar Infrastructure Stimulus Project to Be Unveiled:  Major Franchise Agreements Secretly Executed with MacDonald's, Starbuck, Citi, Booba (formerly known as BoA) ... Wal-Mart Expected to Sign Shortly.

We're going to the moon to solve this crisis: In an Obama-esque display of out-of-the-box boldness that lets no good crisis go to waste, Secretary Turbo-Tim Geitner has quietly floated his secret plan to save the imploding financial system and it's a doosy. Perhaps explaining his cryptic behavior and deafening silence Geitner wanted to have all the pieces in place before "floating the idea."  He's almost there.

In a staggeringly ingenious, (politically,militarily and economically) pre-emptive move, Geitner was apparent inspired by President Obama's oft-run ads exalting President Kennedy's moon program where Obama exclaims "if we can put a man on the moon..." Geitner has taken this idea quite literally. His plan is to quadruple the Army Corps of Engineers, move 200,000 U.S. troops and 2 million prisoners including Bernie Madoff and the Gitmo gang to our nearest solar neighbor  (that would be the moon for those of you who are a little rust on your astronomy). Geitner is believed to have executed conditional lunar leases and franchise agreements with healthy, as well major zombie companies, and banks. Circuit City's commitment to lease 840 stores on the moon is likely to be rejected by the bankrupty court.

Geitner's plan will create a parallel financial universe. A source said, "the moon will have its own branch of the Federal Reserve, the Full Moon Fed, that will function much like the New York Fed."  Plans and specifications for up to 800 million squre feet of new lunar construction from architectural, defense manufacturers and engineering firms that would otherwise fail will be paid for out of the recently stimulus package. The 800 million square feet will include schools, shopping centers, miltary bases, prisons, a Disneyland and the universe's largest multiplex theater with 850 screens, not to mention every conceivable fast food and muffler repair franchise known to mankind. " said an anonymous source.  Wal-Mart is said to be close to signing on the dotted line.

Here's the twist. All goods and services less than $100 on the moon will be free. Anything over will be paid in toxic securities from the TARP Bad Moon Bank. Banking executive compensation will be uncapped and  unlimited as long as paid for in the new moon currency, "the luny" that is back by full faith and credit the Full Moon Fed. Banking executives must pay for their own lunar  transportation and may not fly first class.

Responding to how this outrageous plan would attract tenants and people and how the U.S. taxpayers would pay for the plan, the source said, "haven't you  bother to read the 1,000 page stimulus package with its 8,500 earmarks? It's all in there.  This plan  is already paid for!" Investigative reporters are now combing though the legislation which will require no new appropriations. "It's a done deal" said the source.

"Talk about being forward thinking and big-picture strategy this is a real needle mover for the administration" said an unidentified Senator from the Northeast whose constituency includes manufacturers of fashionable "Moonboots".  Economists are still running the number but the stimulative impact is expected to reach all quandrants of the U.S. economy. The only glitch under Geitner's paln is how to get all the people to the moon. At $20 million per ride on the space shuttle the economics seem to be as workable as the current bail-out proposal. After a preliminary briefing President Obama is said to have mildly chastised Geitner for not being quite bold enough but felt this plan was a step in the right direction.

After bumping into Geitner, Senator Lindsay Graham is said to have grabbed Geitner by the lapels and screamed nose-to-nose, "You are out of orbit sir!"

Time Bomb: What a Difference a Decade Makes

From Saviors to Saps in Just 10 Years

The Discredited, the Partially Discredited and the Thoroughly Discredited

  

The phone rings. You are on vacation in the Virgin Islands. You have been dreaming about the fishing for the better part of two months, and you are about to head out to chase the Christmastime bonefish running offshore and to spend a day on the water, with the sun leaching six months of Washington baloney from your brain. The phone rings, and because you are Secretary of the Treasury, you answer. "This is the Treasury operator," says the voice. "Please stand by for a conference call."  Click here to read entire article.

A  mere decade ago the Three Marketers graced the cover of Time magazine as the trio who had saved the world from collapse.  Now, in various degrees, discredited, partially discredited and fully discredited (each reader can draw their own conclusion as to which is which) the great ave been humbled.

Greenspan Testimony: Admits  "A Fundamental Flaw in My Ideology"

SNL Geitner Skit Offers Best Suggestion Yet: $420 Billion Prize to Anyone Who Can Solve Banking Crisis

Toast or Roast: You Know You've Finally Arrived When You've Made It To Saturday Night Live

SNL Geitner Parody: Accurate, Hysterical and Terrifying

 You know you've finally arrived when you are the opening skit for Saturday Night Live  (takes a minute to load or just click link).  This may be the  major achievement on Tim Geitner's resume as Secretary of the Treasury. The first 90 seconds is a painfully accurate assessment of the current state of play. The idea of offering a $420 billion prize to anyone who can come up with a solution to the banking crisis (complete with sharing arrangement for multiple winners) is unfortunately the best idea anyone in DOT has come up with yet and the real Geitner ought to grab credit for it before he completely evaporates the remaining precious few ounces of credibility he has left.  The reality is otherwise that the $420 billion prize will go to distress debt grave dancers, hedge funds and other players who will traffic in this tragedy of national ineptitude.  Common Cents 101: Can't have an economy that runs on credit without a banking system. All other change you canbelieve in is just a deeply discounted and devalued currency of the realm.

  Here is the SNL skit (hot linked if video doesn't load automatically)

P.S. Remember our earlier entries about Geitner's eeiry resemblance to Doogie Howser. Well here is the Doogster himself playing along with the SNL Orchestra-- okay so  this  is a bit random.  Also I have discovered that the hulu  version of the SNL Geitner skit has a 30 second advertisement pre-roll versus the NBC version which only has 15 seconds.  Maybe Treasury is getting rev share off the hulu  30 second ads.  Hopefully if so they are paying their taxes as well.