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    The Obituarium

    Obituarium: the official final word for reputations and legacies of the once invincible who have been admitted to the Dead Men Walking Society. Please submit your own suggestions to scald your favorite scoundrel or scandal: This is an open source communal obituary service. No reputation is too small to be included.

    Entries by Stickman ED (5)


    James Cayne

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    John Thain




    John Alexander Thain (54) Killed Redecorating While Rome Burns


    The financial crisis today claimed another unexpected victim. Tragically, John Thain, born May 26, 1955, who was the last and final Chairman and CEO of the iconic Merrill Lynch . Kenneth Lewis, CEO of Bank of America today announced that John Thain had voluntarily resigned his position. Thain the primary engineer of the much heralded shotgun wedding between the two financial giants had suffered a terminal case of loss of confidence and joined the world of the reputationally dearly departed. Thain had been  designated to become president of Global Banking, Securities and Wealth management in the  combined company, following the merger  he masterfully engineered between Merrill Lynch and Bank of America (now known as Booba or Bank Offically Owned By America).

    Apparently while the financial world around him was imploding and layoffs abounded Thain was busy redecorating his Merrill offices at an expense in excessof $1 million.  Ironically he  fatally burned by an $87,000 area rug in  the new digs  which became public courtesy of the Daily Beast.   This seems to have been straw that broke the camel's back was not that the U.S. Tresury had to throw an extra $20 billion into the kitty to help close the deal that was imploding under previously unanticipated, undisclosed and highly alarming losses a mere 45 days after the deal was announced, nor the $15 billion of unexpected write downs that Lewis felt Thain had not adequately disclosed. Nay! The fatal straw seems to have been Thain's redecorating budget of his new offices at merrill'sWhilst Thain   He resigned from the company on Thursday, January 22, 2009 following a brief meeting with the Grand Poobah of Booba CEO Ken Lewis.  The Associated Press identified Thain  as the highest -paid CEO in 2007, among S&P 500 companies. On Monday, December 8, 2008, Thain had given up his pursuit of a controversial $10 million bonus award from the Compensation Committee of Merrill Lynch on that company's last day as an independent company.


    William the Goose and his Gaggle

    January 15, 2009

    Suddenly and without notice,  William (age unknown), his beloved wife Sarah (age unknown) and their beloved children: Agnes (age unknown), Irving (age unknown), Hortense (age unknown), Daffy (age unknown), Ishtar (age unknown), and others awaiting DNA test reports were senselessly mowed-down by a hit and run Airbus 320 later identified as U.S. Air Flight 1549 as it made a illegal maneuver over the Hudson River.  The family of geese were sucked into two jet engines from behind without any warning. FAA procedures require jets flying at speeds in excessof 400 mph to honk three times within 500 feet of an organized flying formation for any species of bird in excess of 4 lbs.  The bodies were not recoverable.  The Foie Grois Association has registered a protest with the FAA demanding a full investigation. 

    Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger hailed around the world as a hero for saving the lives of 155 passengers is being sought for questioning by the Foie Grois Association that is demanding a full apology to the entire  population of flying birds around the world.  Said a distraught Arnold the Goose, William's, brother who was not in the V-formation at the time but trailing the flock, "If Captain Sullenberger is supposed to be such a hot s*** pilot, why couldn't he  avoid killing my entire family in the first place. It is particularly distressing to know that he is an expert in pilot safety and yet showed a wanton disregard for the well-being of those who share the flight lanes with him!" Uncontrollably sobbing, Arnold continued, "I am deeply offended that this horrific incident is being referred as the 'Miracle on the Hudson'-- what miracle? To my family this was wasn't a miracle. It was a massacre."

    A Memorial Service is expected at a future date once DNA testing has been completed and dental records have been examined for any potential matches for  the entire gaggle of geese.   Former Vice President Dick Cheney, a well-known hunting conservationist, is expected to deliver the eulogy.


    see video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ny9q0KM3Ca8