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Turn Me on Dead Man: Beatles Conspiracy Theorists Move Over....developing
Holy Sh*t!!! "Paul Isn't Dead"; It's Government Motors!!! And Axl Rose Is Behind It All.... developing
"Axel" Rose and Slash's Secret Plan to Save Detroit 22 Years in the Making; Want to Buy U.S. Stake in Ailing Automaker
Iconic Rockers Will Officially Rename 80's Classic Anthem to "Pair-a-Dice City" in honor of GM's High Risk Bankruptcy Filing
New Album "Chinese Democracy" Takes on a Whole New Meaning
Over 2.5 Million People Have Watched This GNR Youtube Video. Why???
Remember when the Beatles Conspiracy Theory (1969) was all the rage. You could hear "I buried Paul" at the end of Strawberry Fields and if you spun your turntable backwards on Revolution Number 9 and (you were high enough) it said "turn me on dead man". This all led to mass hysteria and every single aspect of the Beatle's was anatomically dissected most notably the cover to Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club:
Well it all turned out to be a bunch of hoo-hah. Paul's alive and well, two greats are gone and Ringo still remains the luckiest drummer inthe history of the world.
But perhaps inspired by (or not to be out done by) the business genius of Jimmy Buffett who just snatched up the naming rights to Land Shark Stadium (the home of the Miami Dolphins) for a song (he rewrote the lyrics to his classic "Fins" it seems Axl Rose and Slash want to be business moguls as well.
But conspiracy theorists are convinced that this was not a spur of the moment decision but a well conceived plan hatched over a 22 year period. Even the lyrics to the original version of the song ( Paradise City) are highly prophetic:
Take me down to Paradise City
Where the grass is green
And the Girls are pretty.....
Where the grass is green? Sound familiar? The "shoots of grass" metaphor has been carefully used by the Obama adminstration to describe the fragile recovery/state of the global financial markets. It's clear that Axel and Slash have been yukkin' it up with Timmy Geitner and Larry Summers. Seems they have been trying to negotiate more favorable terms on their TARP financing. Rumor has it Larry Summers has had a man-crush on the lead guitarist Slah for years and showed up for a meeting in his underwear sporting one of Slash's patented Abe Lincoln stove hats. Slash was over-heard whispering to Axel, "what a d@#che bag!!!!"
But Summers offerred to cut the rate on the financing by 25 basis point and all was forgotten. Sources have confirmed that the GNR boys intend to team up with the Chinese government as their financial partner in the venture to take out the U.S. stake. When asked if he had any image problems teaming up with the Chinese Government, Axel responded "do you have any idea how f...king bad the record business is?" Apparently officially changing the spelling of his name from Axl to Axel was an easy lift. Said Rose: "My search engine optimization on google was a mess without that "e" in Axl. And now that I am in the car business it makes perfect sense bro... don't cha think?"
There is further speculation that Eminem and Sasha Baron Cohen had intended to join investor group but that rumor has been dashed since Cohen-cum-Bruno descended and wrapped put his hairy butt around Eminem's face at the MTV awards. Shortly thereafter GM's stock achieved the impossible and went to minus $2.42 a share on the rumors before recovering to its day high of $0. Stay tuned to see if this conspiracy theory is the real deal or just another extraordinary popular delusion. Welcome to brave new world of capitalism in Amerca.